Hand mixer

Why We Chose It

Why wouldn't you want a hand mixer that looks like it's from a sci-fi movie? The Cuisinart HM-90BCS offers an impressive 220 watts of power, which is about as powerful as a small desk fan - but for your batter. With nine speeds, you get to feel like you're piloting a spaceship, as you move from gentle stirring to turbo-charged blending. It's all wrapped in a shiny chrome finish, because who doesn't need more reflective surfaces in their kitchen? The convenient storage case keeps all its unnecessary accessories tidy, saving you from the dreaded drawer chaos. And let's be honest, the three slow start speeds are a genius feature, because who wants cake batter on their ceiling? It's not the most thrilling appliance in the world, but it does its job with minimal fuss, which is more than most of us can say.

What It Does

• Blends with all the grace of a ballroom dancer.
• Nine speeds for a thrill-seeker kitchen.
• Keeps your batter in the bowl, not on you.
• Storage case: less chaos, more zen.

What It Doesn't Do

• It won't double as a jet engine.
• Won't fold your laundry or make coffee.
• Not a time machine. Sorry, bakers of the past.
• Doesn't improve your culinary skills magically.

Tech Specs

• 220 watts: the power of a tiny fan.
• Nine speeds: more than my treadmill.
• Chrome finish: shiny enough for selfies.
• Dimensions: 21.6 x 9.9 x 22.6 cm - not colossal.

Who It's For

Meet Sarah, the amateur baker who thinks she’s on 'The Great British Bake Off.' This mixer lets her pretend she knows what she's doing. Then there's Dan, who bought it because he thought it looked 'cool' and now uses it to make protein shakes. Finally, we have Grandma Betty, who appreciates the slow start speeds, because the last thing she needs is a flour explosion in her kitchen. Each user finds some peculiar joy in this tool, even if it's just the satisfaction of not having to mix by hand anymore.