Espresso machine

Why We Chose It

Meet the De'Longhi Magnifica Evo, the espresso machine that pretends to be your barista but doesn't demand tips or have a hipster beard. It's got a self-cleaning function, which means it probably has more motivation than your gym membership. With a built-in grinder and a milk frother that doesn't care if you're using almond milk or cow juice, it's here to make your mornings bearable. It even makes iced coffee, because apparently, some people enjoy cold drinks in winter. At this price, it's practically begging for a corner of your kitchen counter, while still leaving you with enough cash for your overpriced beans.

What It Does

• Brews espresso like a caffeinated Italian.
• Froths milk better than your last barista.
• Grinds beans with 13 settings, more than your Netflix profiles.
• Self-cleans like a robot maid without the attitude.

What It Doesn't Do

• Won't fit in a shoebox-sized kitchen.
• Won't brew your existential crisis away.
• Doesn't come with a barista's snobbery.
• Won't make you a coffee connoisseur overnight.

Tech Specs

• 60-ounce water tank for thirsty mornings.
• Plastic body, because metal is too mainstream.
• Programmable, just like your morning alarm.
• Dimensions: 44 x 24 x 36 cm, bigger than your last regret.

Who It's For

Perfect for the busy professional who thinks they deserve a better cup of coffee than the office sludge. It's also for the homebody who wants to pretend they're at a café, minus the human interaction. Finally, the amateur barista who dreams of making cappuccinos without actually learning how, will find this machine to be their new best friend. None of these folks need to know what a tamper is, and they won't miss it either. Your mornings just got a little less chaotic and a little more caffeinated.