Body trimmer

Why We Chose It

Meet the Philips Norelco Body Groomer 7000. It's not just another overpriced gadget to clutter your bathroom. This model actually makes body grooming less of a chore and more of an art form. With its dual trimmer and shaver heads, you can tackle your body's wilderness areas with the precision of a topiary artist. Sure, it won't make your body hair vanish like Houdini, but it does get you one step closer to achieving that socially acceptable smoothness. Its waterproof nature means you can multitask in the shower, pretending you’re in a shampoo commercial, while the 10 length settings remind you that even body hair deserves options, unlike your wardrobe. The 7000 is the best because it combines functionality with a dose of humor, as you attempt to groom the parts you can't see without becoming a contortionist.

What It Does

• Follows contours like a clingy ex.
• 10 length settings, because hair deserves choices.
• 120 minutes of cordless liberation.
• Waterproof, for shower-time multitasking.

What It Doesn't Do

• It won't turn back time on your hairline.
• Doesn't come with the skill to avoid nicks.
• Won't make you a grooming influencer.
• Not a substitute for a personality.

Tech Specs

• Interchangeable trimmer heads for the indecisive.
• 2D flexing shaver head, because 3D was too mainstream.
• Bi-directional combs. For when you can't decide on a direction.
• Ergonomic grip, so you can't blame the tool.

Who It's For

For the gym bro who thinks less body hair equals more muscle definition, this groomer helps maintain the illusion. The office worker staring at a screen all day might enjoy the tactile satisfaction of trimming as a break from spreadsheets. Then there's the romantic optimist who believes smooth skin is the secret sauce to everlasting love. He might be slightly disappointed to find out it's not, but at least he'll be impeccably groomed while figuring it out. This tool caters to those who take grooming seriously, but not themselves.